A Letter To The Insecure

#WhyCantIdoThis?

#WhatDoYouFear?

#YouShouldJustBeAlone

Dear ( whomever this may concern ) , 

There are somethings i need to know regarding your insecurities. 

Why do you believe every and anybody can have me? You sit and get mad about every and any interaction with the opposite sex as if everybody is better than you. 

Is everybody better than you? Do you know that you aren’t doing a good job as my partner so you fear that i will see that there is better in the world? 

Why do you attempt to cover it up as crazy? 

 You say things like 

” i will kill somebody if… ” , ” i will hurt somebody if …” 

Why are you attempting to control my life?

Why do you bring violence into our relationship as if i should fear you?

Is that what you want our relationship to be based on ? Me fearing you ? 

Ok , say i fear you ? What now? 

You in your mind this is a happy relationship? 

You are putting all your efforts into hoping i don’t interact with the opposite sex that you are just pushing me away. 

Congratulations , you played yourself. 

You turned the relationship from a playground to a prison. 

All your insecurities show is that you don’t trust me. 

By you not trusting me it shows that their is no connection. How can you connect with somebody that you can’t trust? 

So then with that being said , why are we together?

The answer is there is no reason. 

Your insecurity shows you don’t believe in yourself at all. You fear in every situation you can be left so you try to control it in yourway which is sad. 

I hope you find the help you need to believe in yourself and make somebody a very happy person. 

Sincerely yours, your soon to be ex. 

#YourInsecuritiesAreShowing2016

#SendThisLetterToThoseInNeed2016

The System Is Flawed

#ItDoesntWork

#ItIsASetUp

#DontFollowThoseRules 

Relationships….

Why do they fail?

Why does the dream of being with one person the rest of your life rarely happen?

How is the goal forever if the rules of a relationship dont let you get there ?

The answer is : We are all doing it wrong. The structure for what a relationship is was a set us up from the jump. We were sold a fantasy all of our life. 

We are given a description of what a good relationship is. What should we strive for in our relationships and how we should be in our relationships. 

We have also let the opinions of others dictate how we should love. What we should accept and what we shouldn’t accept. 

We were given rules. It’s a big bag we dive into when we start dealing with people. We select rules that our partner can’t do because these things alter our mood , which can lead to the end of our relationship. 

Let me ask you this: 

If u had to make a list with what your partner can do vs what your partner cant do in a relationship , which list would be longer?

There will be alot of things you want your partner to do that bring you happiness…but that list of things that get you mad might be twice as long. 

Why would you want to be in a system in which the can’t do is longer than the can do?

So between the structure the world set for us on how we should love + the opinion of others + the rules that can make us leave the relationship….

How are you suppose to ever be happy if every way to love has a standard to live up to in which being mad about something is the end goal? 

With the way the structure is we will be starting over always because we will never be happy. We will always find something to be mad at.

The only way to fix this is to accept the fact that if we want to reach the goal of 10,20,30 years together we will mess up. We will not make you happy everyday. We as in men and women. 

You been around your parents all your life and they cant make you happy everyday, how do you expect somebody that has met you 20+ years in your life to get it right ?
You must find somebody that matches your mental. Tell this person your dreams, your wants out of life and you must tell this person the way you sin. 

This person must accept everything about you for the growth to occur. 

Your relationship is for you to enjoy. No matter how it looks to the outside. You stay because you are connected to this person and you want to grow old with this person. 

Love how you love. Let go of the old system which makes you get mad at everything and want to leave. Actually build with somebody.

Ask yourself do you want to be here forever or do you wanna be a story your partner tells their next partner?

Fuck the system. Do it your way. 

You only live one life, why do you wanna find reasons to fall out of love so much?

#TheSystemIsOutdated

#LoveYourWay2016 

Relationship Goals?

#WhatIsThat?

#WhoMadeThat?

#WhyIsThereEvenAGoal?

It’s very funny to me what the goals are for a relationship.

Lemme ask you something , if i wanted to know what’s your relationship goal…what would you say?

Most of the readers will say a version of their relationship goal that includes:

Marriage, family, car, career, house, traveling

The rest of the readers will look at this question differently.

All of those minds. All of those indivduals believe that’s it. 

They all agree that despite their individuality , they all want the same thing out of life.

You live one life, why would your end game be the same as the next?

While many believe that those are the keys to a successful relationship, there is another group that asks the question:

Why is there even a goal?

Why is there a set way for me to be happy?

A group of people in a room answer 

” what is the goals of a relationship ” 

All it takes is one person to say the 

” i want to be married, i want kids/no kids, i want a nice house, a great job , to travel the world… ” 

for the whole room to look at this as the ultimate goal and agree with this.

Why is that? 
All these people , all these different personalities are all trying to reach a set goal told to them on what is happiness. 

They don’t live their life, they live the ” dream ” that isn’t their dream.

They see images of ” happiness ” that isn’t their happiness.

They hear stories of what makes others happy and incorporate it into their lives, living somebody elses happiness. 

While we can have likenesses to others, how can you look at others as goals when you dont live that person life?

So why is it that people look at others as goals? 

This is because some people are scared to be judged by the view on their ” worth ” . 

If what makes you happy is too simplistic , people are scared they will be judged. 

So why not agree that they need this set of plans for their relationship so that they fit in?

It’s simply your worth isn’t worth more than mine so i want exactly what you want or more for my relationship.

It shouldn’t be this way. 

The goals of your relationship should always be individualized.

If the two of you are crazy and passionate and live a very unstable love life then guess what? So what. That is your happiness. Nobody will understand why that makes you happy but you. 

If the two of you are into dating others but loving one another that is on yall.

The list can go on to what people are into, so what makes one better than another?

Who is anybody to tell you how your love isnt how you should love?

” We work cause we work ” and that should be all anybody should know. 

What works for you wouldnt work for others and thats fine. 

Love is about individuality. 

Love is about finding somebody in which you can be you with without repercussion. 

There is no description for a relationship goal.

Because if you reach the goal , then the race is over, do you want this race to end?

Your relationship is yours to mold.

So whats your goals?

#AintNoGoalsBih2016

#ReadOdatBlogs2016

 

Easy To Lose, Rare To Recover 🗝

#TrustMeBaby

#NoSeriouslyTrustMe

#WhyYouHereIfYouDont?

Riddle me this. 

Easy to lose , rare to recover …what am i? 

That would be trust. 

The ability of your partner believing every word you say.

The ability of your partner believing every move you make.

The ability for your word to never be second guessed. 

This is what you have when you are innocent. 

This is what you have pre ” i messed up baby , I’m sorry it won’t happen again ” . 

Lets say you do mess up. 

You either lie or cheat, from that moment on ….

Your word is no longer the truth by default. 

You will now be second guessed. 

Your moves will now be suspect.

Your partner throws your innocence right out of the window. 

You have did something your partner never thought you would do, hurt her/him.

This is a total shock to your partner. 

” Like wow i can not believe you did that ” Is running through their mind alot now when they think of you.

Okok now lets say your partner accepts your apology. 

You are sorry. You truly are sorry. You want to make it up. You want to prove hurting her/himisn’t  what you intend to do.

For the most part , apologies are accepted. 

The crime isn’t pardoned though.

You are about to fight a never ending battle my friend called 

” You will never be 100% trusted again ” 

Your word will never be innocent again because you have shown the capability to commit a act harmful to your partner feelings. 

So how does someone gain trust back ? 

For starters , it will never be overnight. This is going to take awhile. You as the person that messed up has to understand a process must occur for your partner to heal. 

Some steps that must happen on the road to regaining trust: 

1️⃣. Accept Your Wrongs. 

Your partner will want to be heard. Your partner will want a who/what/when/where/why/how breakdown. Your partner will want to vent. Your partner will want space. You must allow these things to occur to show guilt is accepted and you will work to regain your trust.

2️⃣. Dont Rush. 

” get over it ” , ” why you bringing up the past ” …..sentences used when the person that messed up feels that the trust should have been regained by now. It’s not on your terms. This person has to feel you are innocent again. This takes time. ( i will bring this part back at the end for the people that drag it sometimes ). 

3️⃣. Dont do extra. 

Do not attempt to be perfect. That is setting up for failure. You will never be able to keep that up, which will lead to yet another letdown. 

Your job is to be true to your partner. Do everything you did before you messed up just with more oomph. 

You don’t want to recreate your relationship with a perfect person that you can not keep up with. 

Be you. Love your partner and let the rest play its part. 

With those small steps out of the way on the road to trust again….lets discuss the people that draggggggggggggggggg it. 

Yes sometimes fighting for trust back is truly never going to work. 

Sometimes your partner never gets over it. 

No matter what they see cheater or liar. 

You are loved by this person but you will never be trusted.

So what is this person doing? 

Is this person an expert time waster? 

If a situation occurred in 2016 and your partner accepted the apology and stayed with you, that means the person is ready to trust you again one day.

If your partner is still bringing up your actions from 2016 in 2019 it is clear it will never be looked over. 

Your partner will still bust that 2016 gun whenever fights occur, whenever they need a way to win a argument. 

Complete waste of time. Just let it go. If you know this will haunt you forever, let the relationship go. 

Sometimes we mess up as humans and only 2 things can happen: 

We move on or we fight to make it right again. 

#RegainThatTrust2016

#OrJustLetItGoBefore2019 🙏🏽

She’s Done🙅🏾

#YouLostYourPosition

#HerFavoriteAnswerIsNoNow

#HowCanYouGetYourYesBack

Fellas, remember when every request you had was answered with ” Yes ” ? 

It could be 2 am during a snowstorm and you can say 

” Babe come over ” and she would reply 

” Gimme 20 😌 ” 

What about when you can say 

” babe , i’m hungry ” 

and boom as your woman she would never let you starve so food ordered to your crib or she come over in ” my man will not be hungry ” mode. 

How about when she would go out with her friends looking MODDDD good and you just knew at the end of that night she was heading your way? 

You know you are her nightcap. Lit

Fellas, how bout that cold shoulder she would turn to your bullshit? 

You know your subtle lies and the dumb things you do that she can’t see yet because she is in the ” blinded by new love ” stage. 

I had to run down memory lane for my fellas real quick because all of these moments don’t last forever. 

That cold shoulder she turns to your faults because she is blinded by new affection doesn’t hide your bullshit forever. 

She will be able to see clearly if you don’t do your job as her man.

Once you start being less attentive, being passive, not tending to her physically and mentally…all those “yes baby” will turn into ” ehhh ima see ” ….

That 2 am snowstorm trip is going to be answered like 

” idk , im tired maybe tomorrow ”

That part about you being hungry is not her concern in her eyes. Once she is done with you in her head that is answered like 

” dam, you dont got nothing you can make ? ”

Her sliding through on the late night after being out with her friends is not happening because she start answering like 

” i gotta do something in the morning i’ll try to see you tomorrow ” 

When you start getting these answers fellas one of these two things have happened : 

1️⃣. It might really be over. You might have really lost your presence in her life. The bullshit that she deals with from you , she might over that. She figured you have maxed out your potential in making her happy and its nothing but downhill from then on. So ” no ” will be the answer you get more often.

2️⃣. She just wants you to act right. She tired of giving you your way. She feel like the situation is one sided. You benefit from this and in her eyes all she do is hurt. She needs more effort from you. She doesn’t see how you make her or her life better. You probably on your last chance and your next moves will dictate your place. The ball is in your court and you gotta make something happen.  

You know your woman , I’m just guiding you on the signs that what was once a yes to is now a yes to jamal and she is now done with you.

So fellas don’t let ” yes ” become a answer of the past for your woman.

#KeepHerSayingYes2016

#SayNoToNo2016🗣

The Passionless Generation

#IWantYou

#INeedYou

#NobodyElseCanHaveYou

Passion: Strong and barely controllable emotion. 

Passion is that fire that lights up when the thought of your partner enters your mind. 

Passion is that intense moment when you see the person you been thinking of all day that leads to your hands never leaving their body.

Passion is the key to keeping an interest , to being intrigued , motivated to keep making this person love you everyday and coming back for more. 

With that being said , here are some keys to keeping and building the passion with your partner: 

1️⃣. You Lead With Example. 

Some people aren’t use to seeing someone dive into everything that makes them happy. From hobbies to going places , etc…. 

For your partner to understand the level of fire raging in you about them , you must give off that energy. Passion is a energy. 

Do what makes you happy. At all times. Your partner will feed off of that. Now your partner does what makes their life happier. Which leads to a better chemistry and a deeper indulgence in one another. 

2️⃣. Decrease roles, Emphasize the relationship. 

What do you mean odat? Roles must be decreased ? 

That’s exactly what i mean.

In relationships we want our partner to be everything. 

Your bestfriend, your banker, etc…

When the main focus should be lover. 

The more roles one has the less you can focus on the loving. The fire that may have burned for that person has turned into smoke. 

You use to never be able to keep your hands off this person and now you can.

If one of the main priorities of your relationship is to grow in passionate love, then you have to prioritize that experience above the others.

While being a bestfriend and everything to your partner is key , you also have to look at your partner like sex all day. 

You need to keep that passion burning for as long as possible.

The need to love your partner becomes a job after awhile but if its what you want to do then that passion is effortless. 

#BringPassionBack2016 

#KeepThePassionBurning2016 

🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥

Say it, again. 

#SheKnowsWhatItis

#SheJustLikesToHearIt

#SoSayIt 

We live in a world full of emotions with no substance. 

So people are constantly having to live in this guessing game of ” am i good enough ” or ” does he/she really mean this.

While this effects men , it hits women harder. 

The beings full of emotions. 

The overthinkers.

The criticizers of themselves.  

So with us men knowing this, give women what they need. 

And what women need is reassurance. 

Give women the ” why “. 

” what you mean the why odat ” 

Yes the ” why ” . 

Things us men say have 0 meaning if you don’t include why. You sit there and tell her things like: 

1️⃣. ” I love you ” 

2️⃣. ” I need you ” 

3️⃣. ” You’re special to me ”

4️⃣. ” You’re beautiful ” 

5️⃣. ” We will be together ” 

So now she sits up and wonders why does he love me , why does he need me, why am i special, why am i beautiful to him, why does he believe in us so much. 

It gets deeper because after telling her the why here , you must continue every once in a blue tell her why again and again and again. 

This stems from one of the deepests human priniciples and that being the desire to be appreciated. 

For the hardheads that say things like

” she should already know i love her, that she beautiful, etc…., why do i always gotta say it ” 

You always have to say it to make her happy. 

Look how free it is. Simple reassurance is free fellas. Fill her needs of knowing her man believes in her, loves her and finds her attractive. 

You don’t do it for you, you do it for her.

People constantly change and relationships constantly grow. 

Just because you feel one way month 7 doesn’t mean by the first year you still feel that way. 

Just say your ” why ” fellas, it’s going to go a long way. 

#ReassureHer2016

#ReadOdatBlogs🔥🔥