Issa Relationship.

#BeYou

#BeComfortable

#BecauseIacceptYou 

Wow , I’m back. 

Been wayyyyyy overdue but I’m here. 

When it comes to love the goal is forever, right? 

So how come forever truly equates to 2 years of being together before it all comes crashing down? 

Why is it that relationships end more frequently than they last? 

The answer is simple. 

What you accept about your partner is inconsistent. 

How comfortable you make your partner is inconsistent. 

The communication between you and your partner is inconsistent. 

Rome wasnt built in a day and a consistent love isn’t built in a year, in 2 years , etc….

Before you jump into a relationship there are things you must ask yourself: 

1. Am I ready to accept someone for everything they can or can not do? 

The person you just meet will not be a perfect version of what you need. They will have flaws as do you. It’s not about nitpicking these flaws. It’s about knowing who you deal with and either accepting it while communicating for ways to make it better for you by meeting at middle ground or understanding that there is no middle ground that can be met and proceed with your life. 

Don’t be in a relationship with somebody trying to change them, accept them and let them make the change for you because they care. 

2. Am i patient enough to understand that this person isn’t built perfectly for me but yet i chose this person based on qualities i enjoy and we will work together to build eachother into the partners we desire.

3. Is this person easy to communicate with and also am i ? Being how communication is the foundation of anything growing if one or both people in the relationship can not speak as adults, nothing will ever be solved. 

4. Do i enjoy arguing,drama, and pettiness? While some say they hate it , inside that creates a stir up which excites them and they need it to get thru sometimes. 

5. Am i ready to not let third parties intervene in my relationship? Gossip, a friend, social media, random person coming to you as a woman/man. 

Things of that nature should not be an issue if the communication is there. Yes people are sneaky and yes people sometimes are telling the truth but know your partner enough to always hear their side before judgement is made. 

Advice from friends, randoms, whomever can be good sometimes if it’s a open topic on life. There is absolutely no way a third party can give you answers on what you should do with your partner. You and your partner have a certain way of handling things/doing things that “advice” from a third party is coming from an outside source that doesnt deal with neither of you. So be alil less open to using the advice but you could be all ears for it. 

We all sit and want forever but never let go of teenage dating ways. 

You interact with the opposite sex like children and in return you just lie to yourself saying you want love and all that comes with it without maturing in that department. 

Relationships will be hit or miss but when you do it, do it in the most mature way possible and if you’re not ready for that ,….shitttt turnup and do wild shit till you ready! 🔥🔥🔥🔥

#RelationshipGoalsShouldBeYou2018

#TheReturn🔥

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It ended because…..

ODAT’s odat? 

Lit, im back. 

Happy New Years to everybody. Hope this year is a blessing for all readers. 
But , you know why i’m here. 

Today i must help the world understand what is up with relationships and why are they so bad.

What is love nowadays?  

Mostly a word just said with no meaning behind it.

So many love stories start just to end before chapter 2. 

None of us should want that. 

People just get together to break up and do it all over with another, then another , then another. 

A life full of 

” i hope this one is better ” 

Does it ever end? Don’t you get tired of that?

How will you get to forever if you can’t get past today?

That phrase should stick with you. 

Getting past today will always be one step closer to forever with the person you’re with. 

Lets put reality into perspective right now. 

90% of issues in a relationship are forgotten within a week. 

You argue today, you are lovers in a couple hours. 

You bring up some old shit, argue, get over it tomorrow. 

Problem is we let alot of these temporary moments of frustration and anger lead to longlasting decisions. 

Lets use alil more reality for a second. 

I have two major reasons relationships don’t last these days.

1️⃣. Lacking individuality.

2️⃣. Overwhelming Insecurity.

Time to break them down: 

1️⃣. Lacking individuality: 

Relationship Goals? You follower. 

Doing something because you seen other couples do it? You follower. 

Loving somebody the way you think they should be loved vs knowing the person and individualizing the love you give that person. 

What a shame this world has went to extreme monkey see monkey do when it comes to something as precious as love. 

No love should be a copy of another. 

No relationship is the same. 

No person is the exact same as another. 

Do people tend to forget this? Yes. 

Fellas! Oh fellas. 

Do you know your woman? 

Do you sit and seriously pay attention to behaviors of your woman? 

The way she move? The way she think? The things she love ? The actions that changes her moods? How to react to her moods? 

No. No other woman you had before is like her. Pay attention before she sense your lackluster efforts and deems you unable to do better. 

Ladies, i did not forget about y’all. 

Do you know your man? Do you know how easy it is to please him? Do you know how to keep your sexy up? Do you know how to randomly keep him happy? Do you know how to use your intuition for anything other than negativity ?

Individualize your love. It will create a bond based on efforts taken by the two in it and not just a replicated love on what you see. 

2️⃣. Overwhelming insecurity: 

For some odd reason men/women fear the next. 

They fear that somebody might be better for their partner than them and yo the fear might be right. 

You might not be the best person for the person you are with, but that’s what forever is for. 

Forever is the goal. Not a year, not 5, forever. 

Insecurity comes in so many different ways but the one i will focus on today is : 

When a law is created a.k.a ” you cant do …. ”

Once you start creating a

” you can’t do ” list in your head, you fear you are not enough for this person. 

You put this person vs rules you are creating in your head so these random things start becoming issues because you feel second. 

You feel this person isnt working towards forever with you.

Now insecurities arise. 

Little things bother you that shouldnt. 

Stress follows that may lead to more stress which leads to a toxic situation. 

When if you did what i said before this and had individualized your love, the trust would be built. You would never need to feel second because the understanding is there. You know one another so well that life is easy , not hard. 

That what love is about. 

Love is about indivdualizing the feelings you give to one another. These feelings can’t be replicated because only this person bring this side out of you. 

Relationships arent working because people are lazy.

People want love in 2 months. People wanna skip the process.  

The process is a long one. You have to learn this person life for x amount of years they been living to understand the future you will have with this person. 

So if that’s not the effort you are willing to put, stop wasting life saying you want love and just say you want to enjoy life. 

#RelationshipsAintDead

#YouJustGivingThatLazyLove2017

#OdatBlogs2017 

A Letter To The Insecure

#WhyCantIdoThis?

#WhatDoYouFear?

#YouShouldJustBeAlone

Dear ( whomever this may concern ) , 

There are somethings i need to know regarding your insecurities. 

Why do you believe every and anybody can have me? You sit and get mad about every and any interaction with the opposite sex as if everybody is better than you. 

Is everybody better than you? Do you know that you aren’t doing a good job as my partner so you fear that i will see that there is better in the world? 

Why do you attempt to cover it up as crazy? 

 You say things like 

” i will kill somebody if… ” , ” i will hurt somebody if …” 

Why are you attempting to control my life?

Why do you bring violence into our relationship as if i should fear you?

Is that what you want our relationship to be based on ? Me fearing you ? 

Ok , say i fear you ? What now? 

You in your mind this is a happy relationship? 

You are putting all your efforts into hoping i don’t interact with the opposite sex that you are just pushing me away. 

Congratulations , you played yourself. 

You turned the relationship from a playground to a prison. 

All your insecurities show is that you don’t trust me. 

By you not trusting me it shows that their is no connection. How can you connect with somebody that you can’t trust? 

So then with that being said , why are we together?

The answer is there is no reason. 

Your insecurity shows you don’t believe in yourself at all. You fear in every situation you can be left so you try to control it in yourway which is sad. 

I hope you find the help you need to believe in yourself and make somebody a very happy person. 

Sincerely yours, your soon to be ex. 

#YourInsecuritiesAreShowing2016

#SendThisLetterToThoseInNeed2016

The System Is Flawed

#ItDoesntWork

#ItIsASetUp

#DontFollowThoseRules 

Relationships….

Why do they fail?

Why does the dream of being with one person the rest of your life rarely happen?

How is the goal forever if the rules of a relationship dont let you get there ?

The answer is : We are all doing it wrong. The structure for what a relationship is was a set us up from the jump. We were sold a fantasy all of our life. 

We are given a description of what a good relationship is. What should we strive for in our relationships and how we should be in our relationships. 

We have also let the opinions of others dictate how we should love. What we should accept and what we shouldn’t accept. 

We were given rules. It’s a big bag we dive into when we start dealing with people. We select rules that our partner can’t do because these things alter our mood , which can lead to the end of our relationship. 

Let me ask you this: 

If u had to make a list with what your partner can do vs what your partner cant do in a relationship , which list would be longer?

There will be alot of things you want your partner to do that bring you happiness…but that list of things that get you mad might be twice as long. 

Why would you want to be in a system in which the can’t do is longer than the can do?

So between the structure the world set for us on how we should love + the opinion of others + the rules that can make us leave the relationship….

How are you suppose to ever be happy if every way to love has a standard to live up to in which being mad about something is the end goal? 

With the way the structure is we will be starting over always because we will never be happy. We will always find something to be mad at.

The only way to fix this is to accept the fact that if we want to reach the goal of 10,20,30 years together we will mess up. We will not make you happy everyday. We as in men and women. 

You been around your parents all your life and they cant make you happy everyday, how do you expect somebody that has met you 20+ years in your life to get it right ?
You must find somebody that matches your mental. Tell this person your dreams, your wants out of life and you must tell this person the way you sin. 

This person must accept everything about you for the growth to occur. 

Your relationship is for you to enjoy. No matter how it looks to the outside. You stay because you are connected to this person and you want to grow old with this person. 

Love how you love. Let go of the old system which makes you get mad at everything and want to leave. Actually build with somebody.

Ask yourself do you want to be here forever or do you wanna be a story your partner tells their next partner?

Fuck the system. Do it your way. 

You only live one life, why do you wanna find reasons to fall out of love so much?

#TheSystemIsOutdated

#LoveYourWay2016 

Relationship Goals?

#WhatIsThat?

#WhoMadeThat?

#WhyIsThereEvenAGoal?

It’s very funny to me what the goals are for a relationship.

Lemme ask you something , if i wanted to know what’s your relationship goal…what would you say?

Most of the readers will say a version of their relationship goal that includes:

Marriage, family, car, career, house, traveling

The rest of the readers will look at this question differently.

All of those minds. All of those indivduals believe that’s it. 

They all agree that despite their individuality , they all want the same thing out of life.

You live one life, why would your end game be the same as the next?

While many believe that those are the keys to a successful relationship, there is another group that asks the question:

Why is there even a goal?

Why is there a set way for me to be happy?

A group of people in a room answer 

” what is the goals of a relationship ” 

All it takes is one person to say the 

” i want to be married, i want kids/no kids, i want a nice house, a great job , to travel the world… ” 

for the whole room to look at this as the ultimate goal and agree with this.

Why is that? 
All these people , all these different personalities are all trying to reach a set goal told to them on what is happiness. 

They don’t live their life, they live the ” dream ” that isn’t their dream.

They see images of ” happiness ” that isn’t their happiness.

They hear stories of what makes others happy and incorporate it into their lives, living somebody elses happiness. 

While we can have likenesses to others, how can you look at others as goals when you dont live that person life?

So why is it that people look at others as goals? 

This is because some people are scared to be judged by the view on their ” worth ” . 

If what makes you happy is too simplistic , people are scared they will be judged. 

So why not agree that they need this set of plans for their relationship so that they fit in?

It’s simply your worth isn’t worth more than mine so i want exactly what you want or more for my relationship.

It shouldn’t be this way. 

The goals of your relationship should always be individualized.

If the two of you are crazy and passionate and live a very unstable love life then guess what? So what. That is your happiness. Nobody will understand why that makes you happy but you. 

If the two of you are into dating others but loving one another that is on yall.

The list can go on to what people are into, so what makes one better than another?

Who is anybody to tell you how your love isnt how you should love?

” We work cause we work ” and that should be all anybody should know. 

What works for you wouldnt work for others and thats fine. 

Love is about individuality. 

Love is about finding somebody in which you can be you with without repercussion. 

There is no description for a relationship goal.

Because if you reach the goal , then the race is over, do you want this race to end?

Your relationship is yours to mold.

So whats your goals?

#AintNoGoalsBih2016

#ReadOdatBlogs2016

 

Easy To Lose, Rare To Recover 🗝

#TrustMeBaby

#NoSeriouslyTrustMe

#WhyYouHereIfYouDont?

Riddle me this. 

Easy to lose , rare to recover …what am i? 

That would be trust. 

The ability of your partner believing every word you say.

The ability of your partner believing every move you make.

The ability for your word to never be second guessed. 

This is what you have when you are innocent. 

This is what you have pre ” i messed up baby , I’m sorry it won’t happen again ” . 

Lets say you do mess up. 

You either lie or cheat, from that moment on ….

Your word is no longer the truth by default. 

You will now be second guessed. 

Your moves will now be suspect.

Your partner throws your innocence right out of the window. 

You have did something your partner never thought you would do, hurt her/him.

This is a total shock to your partner. 

” Like wow i can not believe you did that ” Is running through their mind alot now when they think of you.

Okok now lets say your partner accepts your apology. 

You are sorry. You truly are sorry. You want to make it up. You want to prove hurting her/himisn’t  what you intend to do.

For the most part , apologies are accepted. 

The crime isn’t pardoned though.

You are about to fight a never ending battle my friend called 

” You will never be 100% trusted again ” 

Your word will never be innocent again because you have shown the capability to commit a act harmful to your partner feelings. 

So how does someone gain trust back ? 

For starters , it will never be overnight. This is going to take awhile. You as the person that messed up has to understand a process must occur for your partner to heal. 

Some steps that must happen on the road to regaining trust: 

1️⃣. Accept Your Wrongs. 

Your partner will want to be heard. Your partner will want a who/what/when/where/why/how breakdown. Your partner will want to vent. Your partner will want space. You must allow these things to occur to show guilt is accepted and you will work to regain your trust.

2️⃣. Dont Rush. 

” get over it ” , ” why you bringing up the past ” …..sentences used when the person that messed up feels that the trust should have been regained by now. It’s not on your terms. This person has to feel you are innocent again. This takes time. ( i will bring this part back at the end for the people that drag it sometimes ). 

3️⃣. Dont do extra. 

Do not attempt to be perfect. That is setting up for failure. You will never be able to keep that up, which will lead to yet another letdown. 

Your job is to be true to your partner. Do everything you did before you messed up just with more oomph. 

You don’t want to recreate your relationship with a perfect person that you can not keep up with. 

Be you. Love your partner and let the rest play its part. 

With those small steps out of the way on the road to trust again….lets discuss the people that draggggggggggggggggg it. 

Yes sometimes fighting for trust back is truly never going to work. 

Sometimes your partner never gets over it. 

No matter what they see cheater or liar. 

You are loved by this person but you will never be trusted.

So what is this person doing? 

Is this person an expert time waster? 

If a situation occurred in 2016 and your partner accepted the apology and stayed with you, that means the person is ready to trust you again one day.

If your partner is still bringing up your actions from 2016 in 2019 it is clear it will never be looked over. 

Your partner will still bust that 2016 gun whenever fights occur, whenever they need a way to win a argument. 

Complete waste of time. Just let it go. If you know this will haunt you forever, let the relationship go. 

Sometimes we mess up as humans and only 2 things can happen: 

We move on or we fight to make it right again. 

#RegainThatTrust2016

#OrJustLetItGoBefore2019 🙏🏽

She’s Done🙅🏾

#YouLostYourPosition

#HerFavoriteAnswerIsNoNow

#HowCanYouGetYourYesBack

Fellas, remember when every request you had was answered with ” Yes ” ? 

It could be 2 am during a snowstorm and you can say 

” Babe come over ” and she would reply 

” Gimme 20 😌 ” 

What about when you can say 

” babe , i’m hungry ” 

and boom as your woman she would never let you starve so food ordered to your crib or she come over in ” my man will not be hungry ” mode. 

How about when she would go out with her friends looking MODDDD good and you just knew at the end of that night she was heading your way? 

You know you are her nightcap. Lit

Fellas, how bout that cold shoulder she would turn to your bullshit? 

You know your subtle lies and the dumb things you do that she can’t see yet because she is in the ” blinded by new love ” stage. 

I had to run down memory lane for my fellas real quick because all of these moments don’t last forever. 

That cold shoulder she turns to your faults because she is blinded by new affection doesn’t hide your bullshit forever. 

She will be able to see clearly if you don’t do your job as her man.

Once you start being less attentive, being passive, not tending to her physically and mentally…all those “yes baby” will turn into ” ehhh ima see ” ….

That 2 am snowstorm trip is going to be answered like 

” idk , im tired maybe tomorrow ”

That part about you being hungry is not her concern in her eyes. Once she is done with you in her head that is answered like 

” dam, you dont got nothing you can make ? ”

Her sliding through on the late night after being out with her friends is not happening because she start answering like 

” i gotta do something in the morning i’ll try to see you tomorrow ” 

When you start getting these answers fellas one of these two things have happened : 

1️⃣. It might really be over. You might have really lost your presence in her life. The bullshit that she deals with from you , she might over that. She figured you have maxed out your potential in making her happy and its nothing but downhill from then on. So ” no ” will be the answer you get more often.

2️⃣. She just wants you to act right. She tired of giving you your way. She feel like the situation is one sided. You benefit from this and in her eyes all she do is hurt. She needs more effort from you. She doesn’t see how you make her or her life better. You probably on your last chance and your next moves will dictate your place. The ball is in your court and you gotta make something happen.  

You know your woman , I’m just guiding you on the signs that what was once a yes to is now a yes to jamal and she is now done with you.

So fellas don’t let ” yes ” become a answer of the past for your woman.

#KeepHerSayingYes2016

#SayNoToNo2016🗣