Riddle me this.
Easy to lose , rare to recover …what am i?
That would be trust.
The ability of your partner believing every word you say.
The ability of your partner believing every move you make.
The ability for your word to never be second guessed.
This is what you have when you are innocent.
This is what you have pre ” i messed up baby , I’m sorry it won’t happen again ” .
Lets say you do mess up.
You either lie or cheat, from that moment on ….
Your word is no longer the truth by default.
You will now be second guessed.
Your moves will now be suspect.
Your partner throws your innocence right out of the window.
You have did something your partner never thought you would do, hurt her/him.
This is a total shock to your partner.
” Like wow i can not believe you did that ” Is running through their mind alot now when they think of you.
Okok now lets say your partner accepts your apology.
You are sorry. You truly are sorry. You want to make it up. You want to prove hurting her/himisn’t what you intend to do.
For the most part , apologies are accepted.
The crime isn’t pardoned though.
You are about to fight a never ending battle my friend called
” You will never be 100% trusted again ”
Your word will never be innocent again because you have shown the capability to commit a act harmful to your partner feelings.
So how does someone gain trust back ?
For starters , it will never be overnight. This is going to take awhile. You as the person that messed up has to understand a process must occur for your partner to heal.
Some steps that must happen on the road to regaining trust:
1️⃣. Accept Your Wrongs.
Your partner will want to be heard. Your partner will want a who/what/when/where/why/how breakdown. Your partner will want to vent. Your partner will want space. You must allow these things to occur to show guilt is accepted and you will work to regain your trust.
2️⃣. Dont Rush.
” get over it ” , ” why you bringing up the past ” …..sentences used when the person that messed up feels that the trust should have been regained by now. It’s not on your terms. This person has to feel you are innocent again. This takes time. ( i will bring this part back at the end for the people that drag it sometimes ).
3️⃣. Dont do extra.
Do not attempt to be perfect. That is setting up for failure. You will never be able to keep that up, which will lead to yet another letdown.
Your job is to be true to your partner. Do everything you did before you messed up just with more oomph.
You don’t want to recreate your relationship with a perfect person that you can not keep up with.
Be you. Love your partner and let the rest play its part.
With those small steps out of the way on the road to trust again….lets discuss the people that draggggggggggggggggg it.
Yes sometimes fighting for trust back is truly never going to work.
Sometimes your partner never gets over it.
No matter what they see cheater or liar.
You are loved by this person but you will never be trusted.
So what is this person doing?
Is this person an expert time waster?
If a situation occurred in 2016 and your partner accepted the apology and stayed with you, that means the person is ready to trust you again one day.
If your partner is still bringing up your actions from 2016 in 2019 it is clear it will never be looked over.
Your partner will still bust that 2016 gun whenever fights occur, whenever they need a way to win a argument.
Complete waste of time. Just let it go. If you know this will haunt you forever, let the relationship go.
Sometimes we mess up as humans and only 2 things can happen:
We move on or we fight to make it right again.